so we had plans to go to the city on sunday and he said he couldn’t go so now we’re just having breakfast. and he wont invite other people, like i was like invite your best friend who im also friends with, we’ll call him charlie cause he’s adorable. so i said invite charlie and he said nope. so yay just the two of us. and we wants the whole day and wants to go see titanic ahaha but im going to the city with my best friend, who we’ll call sami. and i dont know i’m really excited to see him cause i havnt in like a week. and i’d love if we’d hook up LOLSSSS¬†

I love having this cause I can be completely honest and not even lie to myself and sorry if i sound like a twelve year old and bummer for you if you’re judging me.

what am i saying who’s reading this shit ;)

and dammit if ryan ever finds this i’m fucked.

and dude i’m not a psycho, i’m just a little in love with you. so don’t let it freak you out I just need to let it out

My brain during the day:Potato, potato, ching chong tomato
My brain at night:I wonder why the Earth was placed exactly here and allowed us to provide a perfect climate to sustain human life.

this is the only place where I can truly let everything out because no one in the whole world knows who this is. So everything sucks. school, my face, my body, my grades, my friendship with one of my best friends just ended, my fucking braces, my parents, and the boy im in love with. and im cutting myself. and i know a lot of people do it. but for me it’s a big deal because i’m not that girl. i’m not the kind of person that hurts themselves or has suicidal thoughts. but now i am and i cant deal with it. because the one thing that led me to do it is fucking musical theater and the chances against me and the lack of support coming from every single fucking person in the world. and honestly, if i have to do it to keep up with the stress of the whole process for the rest of my life i’ll do it because it’s more than worth it. it’s all i want. i would lose everything else for broadway and i sound like a five year old but i’m completely serioius. take away everything in my life right now, and i mean everything, and put me in new york with one or two auditions and that’ll be enough. thatd be better than where i am right now. and i know i need good grades and more training to ever get there and im gunna try my hardest for that.¬†

but there is one exception. the boy. i’ll call him ryan on here because i always imagined thats what his name would be and it starts with that same letter but just in case someone finds out who this is, he’ll be ryan. i love him. im completely in love with him. and the reason i know i love him is because im doing things ive never done before, thinking things ive never done before, and hes the only thing i want almost as much as broadway. he leads me on all the time then tears me down. like we were talking about putting our arms around each other and walking in the rain and he said he almost did it but he didn’t want me to get “the wrong idea.” like no. you dont fucking say that to me because i’m pretty sure you know i’m in love with you. and god i could go for hours and hours, but instead im going to use this blog as a place for me to vent about everything, and tell all the cute and annoying stories about him.

so if you want a classic girl-loves-boy-who-is-probably-still-in-love-with-his-old-crush story tied in with some depression and theater and fuckin annoying passion/determination then YOU’VE FOUND THE RIGHT PLACE

me:i wish a boy would like me
boy:i like you
me:no not you
me:I'll just get on tumblr for a few minutes before bed
me:Is that the sun